Feeling the fear – helping people to face up to difficult things

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It is such a privilege working with young people and their families and one I take very very seriously. My work sees me helping people approach rather than avoid situations.

I spend a lot of my time reflecting on my time with avoidant people and how to make difficult things easier and also questioning whether in making it easier I may not be helping.

I am constantly on the look out for books that help me to do difficult things better and came across a gift of a book: Exposure Therapy for Anxiety which is written by Jonathan Abramowitz and his colleagues. It is a recent book having been published last year (2019).

I loved the book in that it helped me scrutinise my work and helpfully steered me towards doing exposure work even more effectively. Although it wont necessarily lessen the stress of facing up to what is avoided, it gives me the courage to keep on helping young people when it gets tough – and in a caring way.

I guess the only shortcoming that stuck out for me was the very only occasional minimising of the experience for people who find their anxiety overwhelming. The chapter on social anxiety (like all the other chapters) is full of helping strategies but I wish they didn’t write as if confronting social situations is that easy. The nature of social anxiety often means that young people beat themselves up for some of the things they said or things they did, or didn’t say or didn’t do at a social event. Its often the hours after that the person dreads.

There has been research (I need to relook for it) that says if we interrupt the post-mortem process following a public outing then this may reduce the negative impact and encourage future socialising. Of course, we need to do this without somehow giving the message that experiencing negative emotion is a truly awful thing.

The book borrowed from a local trust library is now on my buying list and one that I will be recommending to the students I teach.

Its more than just cricket

When teaching students about complex terms such as transference and countertransference, I am always on the lookout for useful short cuts. That is those stories that engage people through understanding such stuff that could easily switch them off – “I just don’t get it”.

This podcast featuring Mike Brearley is full of insights into quite challenging psychological processes. Mike Brearley is a well known cricket captain known for his ability to manage people. He makes a strong argument for learning self awareness – and yes that it can be learnt.

Here he describes psychoanalysis and its links with emotional intelligence and is worth listening to just for the confession tat he has never heard of Daniel Goleman!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p06tn8x5

Surviving and thriving in practice

Great to be teaching nursing students at university about surviving and thriving in clinical practice. First experiences can make and break some people and we can waste so much potential. We can not afford to recruit and lose future nurse professionals. Busy developing a toolbox that students can use when they hit difficult times – more or less bound to happen and they can use such experiences productively.

Out of the mouth of babes

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Working in CAMHS and perhaps especially as a grandparent looking after small children I have a rich supply of new angles on relationships with children. I have more troubled sleep over both roles than ever before. Despite my grand old age there is no slacking in my seriousness and still want to work well both professionally and personally.

The joy of working with children is the honesty you often get in the moment. When you get things wrong you know about it – or if they wont tell you direct they know an adult who can.

Its not always so. A wise old owl once told me that good news finds you but you have to go hunting for bad. He was sort of right in that some children are so sensitive and take on so much responsibility for things going wrong that they think it must be something they’ve done despite some of the appalling errors I have made (I am human). Thus, bad feeling (and thoughts) get buried.

I am part blameworthy for this – my seriousness and wanting to do well is somehow conveyed. I suspect that empathy on their part enables them to spot brittleness and they bite their tongue rather than risk my feelings. They are then wrongfooted when I “go a hunting” and sometimes put my own foot in it: “Why ask me how therapy is going for me when I am not ready to be honest”.

At home, I have had some time to reflect on my own honesty as I strive to be a “good enough grandad”. So I mask my frustrations and my distaste for all manner of bodily fluids and try and communicate an unconditional love for children regardless of what they have done in their pants or demands on time and energy.

What I haven’t squared (just yet) is in hiding my feelings do I somehow communicate something else which can be interpreted in all manner of ways: “Being honest is wrong” “What I have done is so wrong that he cant find the right words to express his disgust”. Fascinating stuff, well to me it is.

I am hoping I might be more clear headed when I go and do my talk with a local charity where I share how working with children has improved my work with adults – which it indeed has. Its putting these learning moments into words which others can grasp rather than leaving them thinking “What an old fuddy duddy if he weren’t so old I might have understood a word of that”. Or, if I am feeling very brave I might go hunting for honest thoughts as to whether the talk did make sense – and they may give an honest reply or maybe quietly smile but think its time for me to hang my boots up.

Light holiday reading!

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Before you consider me a sad person indeed for taking textbooks on holiday, in my defense I did finish a cracking thriller written by Kate Atkinson and at least started (a potentially great read) Sally Rooney’s Normal People.

But the book I did find quite inspirational is about Integrating Contemplative Practices (into other psychological therapies) edited by Victoria M. Follette and others. When I picked it up, I knew that I needed the luxury of time to best appreciate it – and what a good book it is.

Many of the chapters explore the use of mindfulness as a way in to helping people with mental and physical trauma. I came away feeling my ambition tempered and perhaps less likely to rush the whole process – no bad thing.

It reminded me of the room where I first attended creative therapies in order to increase my own psychological insights. There on the wall was a postcard that had the simple yet profound extract: “Tread softly as you tread on my dreams” (WB Yeats).

How great to be reminded what a privilege it is to work with the minds of others.

Super Books

Two super books that I will be sharing with both clinical staff, and students in the universities I teach:

Doing CBT: A Comprehensive Guide to Working with Behaviours, Thoughts and Emotions (2016) by David F Tollin is one of the best basic books on CBT;

and:

CBT Strategies for Anxious and Depressed Children and Adolescents (2017) by Eduardo L. Bunge is a great resource book full of illustrations to share with older children.

My teaching session with staff will refer to this and other resources I have recently used.

Child Anxiety & Predicting Depression

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1 Podcast with Cathy Cresswell highlights that anxious children are not accessing evidence based treatment. Some promising work taking place on social anxiety and look forward to reading about the interventions that may work.

2 Predicting depression. Nice attempt in this to balance science and personal experience in this podcast from MQ Open Mind Podcasts.

Get offline and start talking

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A  super podcast from Australia’s All in the Mind with Dr Kerr confirming what I wrote about a few years ago that relationships provide the brain with a boost of “feel good” hormones. But of course, it has to be the right relationship.

Her report is full of exciting material – empathy reduces short termism and relationships offer the possibility of increasing the ability of “mind reading” in others through the boost in oxytocin. The report isn’t as well referenced to satisfy me, but a great read regardless.

 She observes that professionals (and others) have the opportunity to calm other people’s stressed brains (via the amygdala) using mirror neurons; so that anxious people become calm. What isn’t explained is whether it can also happen the other way: if others are anxious why don’t we just become anxious. Must look into that.

Great self help website for young people

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The Anna Freud Centre has a fabulous set of self help resources for us to view. It will be worth my time getting to know the material there and thinking how best to use it.

I don’t think I am naïve in considering the Anna Freud Centre as a great institution and I associate it with people I have long admired (Winnicott/Ainsworth etc) and who have shaped my work both with children and adults.

I am that stage in my life when I contemplate how I can indirectly shape the direction of young people in a helpful way (through influencing fellow professionals and trainees) as opposed to face to face work.

Some great listens out there

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Celebs talk about mental health. Brave Burnley FC footballer describes depression in this super, and tear jerking radio programme. Its full of great quotes especially from his supportive wife. My goodness he is a lucky chap! Lucky having a wife like that but also he survived being hit by a truck and perhaps more dangerous, as a Burnley FC footballer, he survived admission to a Blackburn Hospital Ward.

And young celebs talk about mental health. Not dissimilar, in that it involves celebs talking about mental health,  Loyle Carner talks to the Connor Brothers. Great to hear young men being encouraged to seek help. Although I do have some brave young blokes talking to me about emotional stuff, they are still in the minority.

… And talking about young mental health. Cant go myself but looks like I am missing a real treat at this conference on children’s mental health.